Is It True Love?

IT’S Valentine’s Day! The culmination of peak dating season where one million dates occurred through, alone. And it’s not just singles looking forward to the occasion. Half the country’s celebrating by exchanging 200 million cards, giving 250 million roses, and spending moolah on jewelry and chocolate—$4 billion and $2 billion, respectively.*

We love the idea of love, don’t we? But in all the frenzy to find a date, and dare I say, a soul mate, I throw out a thought to consider…

Now the English in me loves a good cup of hot tea, but I’m not referring to the beverage. I’m talking about the time, energy and attention you’re putting into finding a man to call your own.


A million dates is a lot of time kissing frogs trying to find the right one. How much time have you spent thinking about what kind of man is worth your time? And are you worthy of his? Time is precious and when you know your worth, you spend more time reflecting on what you have to offer, the kind of man who best compliments you, and what true love looks like. It’s not Hollywood at all.

For God so loved the world…

True love pursues at the risk of rejection. The man worthy of your time will pursue you even when you’re not paying him any mind. And if he wins your heart, will love you when you’re downright unlovable. Because the truth is, people are messy, but  God pursued us anyway. Can you love through the mess in a man?


As a woman of purpose and destiny, you’re wise when you focus your efforts. This is not the time to casually shoot the breeze with any guy willing—not if you’re looking for commitment. Because a relationship that lasts, is work! It involves two people investing in themselves and each other.

…that He gave His one and only Son…

If you sense you’ll be the only giver in the relationship, that man’s not for you. If God invested His Son in you, why would you settle for selfishness from a mere mortal? True love gives—till it hurts. Love, cost God, Jesus. And after counting the cost He decided you’re worth it.


Priorities. They inform what you give attention to. I gave up my career in medicine, once becoming a military wife, because after Jesus, my husband and children are my priority. And with all our moving, they needed my attention. Ask any married woman who’s honest and she’ll tell you marriage is about dying to self.

…that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

Yes, as much as marriage involves personal growth, it includes sacrificing yourself (desires, plans, comforts) for the benefit of others. And not just anybody fits that “others” category. Not just anybody is worthy of a lifetime of dividing your attention between you and them. True love is intentional.

Listen, I hope you have a wonderful Valentine’s Day, but more than that I hope you’re believing right. That you believe you’re a wonderful woman who’s not only precious, but a blessing. A woman who’s worth the right man’s pursuit, investment, and attention.  Now, where’s that cup of tea…

Do yourself a favor and don't give your time, energy, and attention to just any body.




P.S. Before I met my husband, I stopped looking for a mate and became a wife. I invested time, energy, and attention on myself. If you’d like to unpack that another time, let me know in the comments.


*2017 stats from ABC news and USA Today





THE DYNAMIC duo for women, like you, wanting to live whole and with intention.


VANESSA A. HARRIS is an inspirational content creator and the author of DADDY’s Girl Forever and its devotional.  She’s a physician turned stay at home mom, who’s never lost her NY wit.  She needs it for the three inventive children she raises in Texas with her husband, Mark.

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