Mind Over Matter
You may look strong, even feel confident, but as Melissa Moore shares, your struggle to re-prioritize when you start a family can throw all that out the window. What if self-care is more mental than you thought?
Melissa Moore leads the Moms Encouraging Moms Facebook group. You can find more from her on her website.
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Episode 12 transcript
Can I tell you a secret? I love wearing my wide golden bangle when I’m feeling strong and confident. It’s the adult me’s answer to the Wonder Woman Underoos I wore as a little girl. But it still doesn’t provide the invincibility I crave.
What do you do when, despite your best efforts, you’re reminded you’re a mere mortal?
Grab a cup of something warm and let’s talk about it.
Hello and welcome in to episode 12!
Last episode I mentioned offering space to moms, like you, to ask questions or share thoughts to inspire our conversations.
Today’s contributor is Melissa Moore.
Melissa is a motivational speaker. She enjoys sharing with women, moms in particular, and helps lead a FB group called Moms Encouraging Moms—the one with a heart in the title.
I wonder if you’re like me in that my first thought about moms who pour into other moms is they always had it together.
And that’s certainly not true.
They’ve just gone down the road a little ahead of us and decided to double back and save us some of the headache they’ve experienced.
So I thought it’d be interesting to find out what Melissa wishes she knew before having children.
Let’s listen to what she shares and see if you resonate with her response.
“What I wish I’d known before I had my kids. I wish I had known how difficult it was going to be to balance all areas of life. I’d always been a very successful and accomplished individual and was expert at getting things done and on time and really achieving all of my goals. But when I had my kids, it made it really difficult for me to get very simple tasks done because I always had someone that needed my attention first. And that was a new priority for me that I wasn’t used to before. I also realized how difficult it would be for me to maintain my mental health. Post partum depression really rocked my world and thankfully I was able to get help from a therapist and psychiatrist to help me to get through that post-partum period. And again maintaining my mental health, continuing to see a therapist, continuing to do medication as needed has truly helped me to be the best woman and mom that I can be. So, I wish I had known those things before I had kids so I would have been better prepared and so I could have gotten help sooner. But that’s the biggest thing that I have learned, is that I need to maintain my mental health and maintain balance in all areas of life.”
Thanks for dropping your mask, Melissa, and letting us see the dents in your Wonder Woman bangles.
Okaaaay, so raise your hand if you’re like me and Melissa—get it done kind of women who found that harder to be once kids came on the scene?
When I first heard her message I thought she was sharing two separate issues till I realized she was showing a connection between her type A personality and her experience with postpartum depression—really depression period.
And if you listened to episode 2, you may remember me sharing my bout with depression when my boys were super young, the youngest less than a year old.
I’m so type A, postpartum didn’t even occur to me because (1) I’d battled depression off and on since childhood, so I figured this was just another episode and (2) I was rocking and rolling for months before it hit—completely forgetting postpartum can occur any time within the baby’s first year, and (3) I didn’t have depression with my first child so I didn’t connect the dots.
And it’s interesting to consider how much of Melissa’s and my history of setting and meeting goals set us up for the hard reality check of motherhood.
If you focus solely on the physical and lifestyle changes that come with starting a family, you’ll forget the mental pivot required.
You don’t just have kids and insert them into your flow. No ma’am! The flow needs to change or your pipes crack under the pressure. So I love how Melissa spoke of attending to her mental health so she’d be balanced in all her roles.
It is NOT a mom fail to admit you need mental support in adjusting to this monumental responsibility.
I’ve gone thru medical school and two residencies and NOTHING has humbled me like motherhood!
So if you or anyone you know is more than a couple weeks postpartum and you still don’t feel “right.” Maybe you’re feeling all kinds of extremes or feeling nothing at all. If you feel off in any way, call your OB.
Because a “good mom” isn’t perfection walking.
A good mom is willing to deal with her stuff so she’s the best version of herself for her babies.
Adjusting expectations and paying attention to your thoughts and emotions is a whole kind of self-care of its own.
At some point you have to put your mind over the matter before you. Because you’re only as strong as your mind. So, be good to yourself and the ones you love by looking after your mind.
Thanks again Melissa for this food for thought and thank you all for joining me.
If you’d like a mom topic or question discussed here on Motherhood Unmasked, tell me about it.
Leave me a voice message at vinelifefaith.com/podcast. And your voice may be featured on a future episode.
So until next time, remember, when it comes to you being the mother of your children—YOU are the woman for the job! Take care.