Episode 2

You’re the Woman for the Job

What do you tell yourself on those stressful parenting days when you question why you’re a mom? I’m sharing the story behind my go to phrase—and why you need one.

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Episode 2 transcript

Hello! It’s good to have you back for Episode 2. If you’re new here, welcome. I’m glad you could join me.

Let’s start with a statement and see how it resonates with you.

“You are the woman for the job.”

What that statement means to you depends on what’s going in your life right now.

If your day is going according to plan and neither you nor your child have had a meltdown, then yeah you might say I agree Vanessa—I AM the woman for the job.

But if it’s a different kind of day, the kind you want to either start over or can’t wait for it to be over, then that sentence may be everything you needed to run on a little furtha.

And I know said furtha instead of further, but there are days as a mom when you can’t get all the way further—you can only manage furtha!

And that’s okay.

The reality is we all have days where we feel clueless, unqualified or just plain overwhelmed.

As I record this episode, I’m reminding myself I’m the woman for the job, doing life in the middle of a pandemic.

A lot’s been thrown into our laps lately.

All the places we sent our kids for education and entertainment are closed, so everything fell back on us.

And I like how Crystal Evans Hurst summed it up: we can’t outsource like we used to.

But that statement “you, are the woman for the job” has pulled me back from the ledge many a time over the years.

It was a gift given me by a friend and I’m pretty sure neither one of us knew its long-term impact when she said it.

We were living in Maryland, where we started our family and would later be stationed again. Our boys, who are 17 mo apart, we’re both young. I’m not sure the youngest was even a year old.

So needless to say, I was busy and still new to the “stay at home mom” life. I missed the results-driven field of medicine and struggled to embrace the “do your best now and we’ll see how it works down the road” reality of motherhood.

And I was not having a good day—make that several days—when my friend Cameo called to check in.

She had boys who were similar ages, so we traded laughs, tears, and prayers often.

But this particular day I was depressed and overwhelmed. And what made it worse was I was mad I was overwhelmed.

I mean for heaven’s sake I used to work 36 hours on call taking care of kids in all kinds of conditions.

What was my problem? This shouldn’t be THAT hard.

Raise your hand if you have trouble giving yourself grace? It’s a process for me.

Anyway, after trying empathy and humor to snap me out of my depressed state she said, “one thing I do know, is you’re the woman for the job.”

That’s it. Sounds simple, but it shifted everything for me.

Because guess what? You don’t “happen” to be the mother of your children.

God knew everything about you and the children he’d give you when He matched you up.

You’re just the woman your kids need to help nurture, instruct and shape them into the people He destined.

Likewise, your children are just the ones you need to teach you things like grace, patience, and perseverance.

And believing that changes everything!

Because then you realize there’s no plan b, right? There’s no other mom behind door number 2. You’re it. You’re the chosen one. There’s no sub.

So even when you have a mom fail day and fall flat on your face 7 times, you’ll get up every time.

You might need to give yourself a pep talk. Maybe you apologize to you kids for overreacting—which I recommend by the way. Or Maybe you remove yourself to the bathroom for a mental health moment.

I’ve had to do all three and more.

Those boys that were toddlers when I had my light bulb moment are teenagers now—and along the way were joined by their sister, now 10.

And let me tell you, those three children are priceless blessings who’ve also made me question what business I have being anyone’s mother.

But quitting isn’t an option.

The fact you gave birth to your child, were selected as her foster mom, or approved to adopt him IS the confirmation you have the personality, and temperament necessary to raise your child.

In the first episode I talked about coming alongside as your coach and cheerleader, but corner woman fits better than cheerleader because it’s more strategic than rah rah—no offense to cheerleaders.

But if you’re familiar with boxing, then you’ve heard of a corner man. If not, that’s fine. I only know because I grew up watching it with my dad.

So, every boxer has a corner man who’s key in helping the fighter win the bout. They motivate, yes, but they mostly give tactical advice based on what the fighter is up against.

So maybe you’re battling relentless cabin fever. You’re cooped up in the house with your family and you’ve played all the games, watched all the movies, and had your fill of crisis schooling.

Or you’re listening to this some day in the future and you’ve about had it with your moody tween and your moody toddler.

I feel you. Those days are tough. And the temptation is to bite everyone’s head off or throw in the towel.

Because we all take hits in motherhood that leave us dazed.

But if I may be your corner woman I’d like to share a recovery strategy for the next hit you take in the ring called motherhood.

Take a step back—put a little space between you and the situation.

Then while you’re there take a deep breath—release the tension in your body and oxygenate your brain.

And Pray—nothing fancy, make it quick and to the point. What you’re asking for is the right perspective of this situation. Cause when you’re too close to the issue you can’t see all the angles.

Then speak truth TO your feelings—literally tell yourself the truth of the matter in spite of how you feel. Because feelings are bossy and you have to set them straight.

And then get back in the ring and engage the issue—the mouthy kid on top of the mess someone left behind, on top of the missed curfew or fill in the blank.

Because what I do know is, this too shall pass. AND I know you’re the woman for the job and your kids need you.

So…what’s your phrase that’ll pull you back from the ledge on those frustrated mom days? If you don’t have one, you’re more than welcome to use mine. It’s tried and true.

Until next time, remember, when it comes to you being the mother of your children—YOU are the woman for the job! Take care.