Episode 20

Mom Myths Unmasked Series Part II: Good Moms Only Cheerlead

In this 2nd installment of the Mom Myths Unmasked miniseries, we’re looking at whether the support you give your kids has to come with no strings attached.

Grab your pom-poms and tune in.

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Episode 20 Transcript

Go ahead and get your poms poms, Mama Bares for part 2 of our miniseries!

Hello and welcome to episode 20 of Motherhood Unmasked. Whether it’s you’re first time visiting or you’re a regular, I’m so. glad. you’re. here.

And before we get into today’s topic I wanted to let you know about a digital devotional I wrote.

It’s called the Abide Devotional: a 31 day experience chewing on every verse in John 15 to ground you in two things that are eternal—the life and love of Jesus.

Along with stunning pictures, each entry is short, but powerful and ends with a related prayer.

It’s perfect if you’re in a busy season but still want to spend time in Word or you’re new to the whole daily devotional concept.

And it’s available for download—my treat.

I’ll tell you where to get it at the end of the show.

Today is the second installment in our Mom Myths Unmasked 3 part Series.

I like adding unmasked in there because we are exposing “good mom” ideals that are more insinuated y popular culture than outright expressed, BUT are still wounding moms just trying to do the best we can.

Last week in part 1 of the series we kept it lighthearted and talked about whether you needed to be a master in the kitchen, preparing meals from scratch in order to rate as a good mom.

And my answer was that while we appreciate our mom friends who create delicious recipes and chef it up in the kitchen—what’s more important is doing your best to serve quality food with love.

If you haven’t listened to that episode I recommend you catch up on it next because it’s a lot of fun.

But today we’re talking about something one notch up in terms of controversy level and that is—good moms only cheerlead.

Don’t ask me why I’m doing the drumroll when the title already gave it away.

I’m just having some fun.

Anyway, before I get into what I mean let’s talks about cheerleaders for a moment.

Maybe you were one, I never was, but Ive been to my fair share of football and basketball games with two sons.

So I know cheerleaders play a role in team morale.

And it’s to hype the team and the crowd.

But they don’t coach at all.

They’re not responsible for creating or calling plays or giving any kind of analysis of performance.

They’re all about providing upbeat motivation and celebration throughout the game.

Now The coach, plays a more significant role in the game because the coach bears more responsibility.

When a team has a losing record—no ones fires the cheerleaders, it’s the coach who gets the side eye.

I think you know where I’m going with this.

Motherhood is a synonym for multipurpose.

You wear many hats—all stacked on your head from cheerleader to counselor to coach.

But if you buy the kool aid pop culture is trying to sell you, you’ll reduce your role down to that of cheerleader.

The culture and your kids will have you believing your main, if not sole focus as a mom, is to unequivocally support every idea your child has.

A sort of yes woman who believes you should affirm all your child’s ideas as good ideas for the sake of their self esteem.

And it plays out in many ways like the mom who smiles apologetically as her child undoes an entire display shelf in the store, but doesn’t say not a word to him—because he may get upset.

But that’s an extreme situation you may not relate to.

How about your child announcing he’s going to an Ivy League school, or play in the NBA, or get selected for American Idol—is that show still on?

Anyway…

How would you respond?

TV and movies tell you a good mom says “of course you’re going to an Ivy League school.”

Or “you’ll be the best player in the NBA!”

Or “not only CAN you make American idol, you would win!”

And that sounds good because you’re encouraging him, letting him know he has your support.

But what if I told you Mr. “I’m going to an Ivy League” is a junior with a C average because of C effort?

Or Mr. “I’m going to the NBA” isn’t a natural talent, gets little playing time and refuses to put in extra time in practice?

Or Mr. “I’m getting on American Idol” can hold a note, but doesn’t want to develop his voice with singing lessons?

Would your response be the same?

In good conscience could your response be the same?

Back in my family’s homeschool days there was one day in our homeschool coop—I think it was during lunch when a few of us moms set up the lunch room swapping stories as moms do.

And I chimed in with a story about my family watching American idol auditions.

The judges just dismissed somebody’s sweet child who really thought they sang their song when one of my sons said he could definitely get on the show.

I let it go that time but when he said it again, I let him know that while his voice has a beautiful tone, it was no where near the caliber of those selected for the show.

He’d have to take lessons.

For which my friend Jualecia branded me a dream killer for not letting him believe it.

Now, the whole dream killer thing was in inside joke because our pastor at the time was nicknamed that by his kids for similar reasons.

And while Jualecia was teasing me to a degree, her mercy heart really felt for my son.

But in reality, as a mom, you’re not just a cheerleader. You’re also part counselor, and part coach.

And it’s totally possible to acknowledge your children’s dreams, their ability, and the effort level needed to achieve their dream—especially if their effort is lacking.

Because you’ve seen the people on these singing competitions—back in early seasons—I think these days they do a better job screening before hand? but if you recall they’re would be someone on there howling during their audition.

And I’ll admit I’d wonder if their mommas knew they were auditioning.

Because if she knew I hope she would say uhhh how about we hold off on that, get some lessons, and go from there.

Because real talk, there’s a difference between supporting a dream and supporting a delusion.

You WANT your kids to dream. So do I—to dream big and aim high.

And commit to the work it takes to make that dream reality.

But feeding into delusions that if they merely say it with confidence, it will magically happen demeans their potential and the heights your kids can soar.

So go ahead and cheerlead!

Root for your daughter when she dares to dream big.

But as a “good mom” don’t stop there.

I’m cheering for you to recognize when it’s time to switch to your coach’s hat.

And coach her when she’s giving up on herself and refusing to put in the work to see her dream happen.

Then switch to your counselor’s hat when she’s doing her best, but the journey is wearing her down.

And if she’s beating a dead horse, don’t be afraid to tell her that too—with love.

Because as it says in the book of wisdom, Proverbs 28:23… “Those who correct someone will, in the end, find more favor than those with flattering tongues.” CEB

Well, I hope you enjoyed today’s episode, I certainly enjoyed you listening.

If you think something shared would be helpful to the Mama friends in your circle, send them the link to this episode—because we’re all in this together!

And if you’re not getting my Monday morning motivational messages for moms just like you—why not?

All you have to do is sign up at vinelifefaith.com/podcast for encouragement to start your week better, not bitter.

Well, next week we wrap up this mini series with the 3rd installment of Motherhood Myths Unmasked.

And that topic will be a doozy! So don’t miss it.

But until then, remember, when it comes to you being the mother of your children—YOU are the woman for the job. Take care.

To download your copy of the Abide Devotional and check out all things motherhood Unmasked including helpful resources and the link to leave me a message, head on over to vinelifefaith.com/podcast.