Episode 21

Motherhood Unmasked with Vanessa A Harris Episode 21 Mom Myth Unmasked Part 3: Moms Are Natural Nurturers

Mom Myths Unmasked Series Part III: Moms Are Natural Nurturers

It’s the grand finale of the Mom Myths Unmasked series, and we’re wrapping up with a touchy topic for some.

Nurturing doesn’t come naturally to all of us moms, but that doesn’t make you a bad person. I understand where you are and how you got there. And I’m proof your situation isn’t hopeless—because you have a choice.

You can become a nurturer despite your past. What does that look like? Listen in.

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Episode 21 Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode 21 of Motherhood Unmasked. Whether it’s you’re first time visiting or you’re a regular, I’m so. glad. you’re. here.

Today is the 3rd and final installment in our Mom Myths Unmasked Series.

And in it we addressed a couple ideals ascribed to moms as a standard some use to identify “ “ good moms.

If you didn’t catch episodes 19 and 20, the first two episodes in the series, be sure to back track and check them out.

But today’s topic is the heaviest one yet and hits home for me because it has so much to do with the mom I am today and why I do this podcast.

Today we’re talking about the notion…..that moms are natural nurturers.

NOTHING could be further from the truth.

Because You can become a mother by FUNCTION of giving birth.

But NURTURING by definition, is feeding and protecting, supporting and encouraging during a period of development.

It’s WAY beyond biology.

Nurturing is heart work but if your heart is tattered—nurturing is HARD work.

I chuckle to myself when moms comment on how close I am with my children—especially my daughter.

How I seem like I always knew what to do from day 1 and I make it look easy.

Because nothing about my history set me up to be the mom I am today.

In my book titled, DADDY’s Girl Forever: Come Home to the Truth About God’s Heart Towards You, I talk about growing up a daddy’s girl.

And how outgrowing my daddy’s heart when I outgrew his lap wounded and warped my soul in a way that only my relationship with GOD the father, or as in affectionately call him—DADDY God—could heal.

But the reason I became a daddy’s girl in the first place wasn’t because my dad is so cool, although he certainly is.

It was also—by default.

I spent so much time with him because my mom wasn’t available—physically or emotionally.

Between working as a nurse and working on her advanced degree, I caught moments with her in passing.

And those moments were more dutiful than delightful.

I won’t go into more detail on that in this episode.

We can talk about that another time if you’d like.

But there’s a HUGE difference between doing the basics for your child—like feed and clothe her—because it’s the expected thing to do, versus pouring yourself into her the way you’d water a seed.

Nurturing requires sacrifice.

And contrary to what Hallmark tells you, there are many mothers whether because of temperament, upbringing or childhood trauma who are closed off toward their kids.

They either don’t want to or don’t know how to give the nurturing they didn’t receive.

I don’t know which of those categories my mom falls into, but I tell you this.

If you’re not a nurturer by nature, all hope is not lost.

If you want to do better by your kids, you can.

I’m living proof, but it didn’t just happen. It took intention.

I had to A.D.D. what I lacked and you’ll need to as well.

What does that look like? Well…

Acknowledge what you received didn’t equip you for how you want to show up as a mom.

Decide to seek a better way of mothering through reading books, especially the Bible, and spending time with moms you admire. And seek counseling if necessary.

And, for me, as a believer, depending on Jesus’ grace for wisdom and guidance to become the mom MY kids need, was, and still is, most important.

So, I guess I misspoke earlier when I said my history didn’t set me up to be the mom I am.

It actually had everything to do with it.

Because I don’t know that I’d have the passion to own the calling of motherhood and championing other moms to do the same, IF my mom was more invested in my life.

So if you’re mother didn’t nurture you and now you find yourself struggling to nurture your children, don’t feel ashamed.

You’re not the only one.

But YOU can break the cycle by choosing to become a nurturer and facing the wounds from your past.

And i KNOW it’s not easy to face your mother’s rejection to any extent, but it’s a must.

Because there’s a big difference between experiencing rejection and labeling yourself a reject.

The ability to distinguish between the two impacts ALL your relationships for the better—especially with your children.

And if you’re ready, I highly recommend my book, DADDY’s Girl Forever.

Because one, it’s based on God’s promise that when your mother and father forsake you or put you aside, HE will bring you close.

And two, I wrote the book to you.

I get why you’re stuck, and this book will help you begin the HEART work, so nurturing won’t be such HARD work.

If you’d like to know more about the DADDY’s Girl Forever book, devotional and study journal, check out the resources link over at vinelifefaith.com/podcast.

That’s vinelifefaith.com/podcast.

Whew! This episode was a little heavy, I know, but it was necessary because we moms spend too much time sitting in the pit.

So, I wanted to throw you a rope and help you climb out.

That’s what this Mom Myths Unmasked series was all about.

And I hope you found it helpful.

If you did, be sure to send the episode links to a friend.

Next week’s episode, episode 22, will be the last one for season 2.

You know from episode 10 how I feel about self care and allowing myself recovery time between seasons is a part of mine.

Besides, it’s the holidays so it’s the perfect time for a break.

Well, I look forward to you joining me next Tuesday.

And until then, remember, when it comes to you being the mother of your children—YOU are the woman for the job. Take care.