Episode 30

Motherhood Unmasked with Vanessa A. Harris Episode 30 Moms Helping Moms Part II

Moms Helping Moms Part II

You’re a mom, but are you effective?

I took the bait and completed Focus on the Family’s assessment of 7 Traits of Effective Parenting. And in this episode, I’m dropping the mask to conclude a two-part analysis of my strengths and weaknesses according to the quiz. 

Today we’re discussing my weaknesses. My transparency for your benefit—it’s the Motherhood Unmasked way.

Homework: The 7 Traits of Effective Parenting Assessment

ALL parents have strengths and weaknesses!

Take this no-pain traits assessment to find out where you shine and where you could use a little help. Do you have similar strengths and weaknesses to the ones I shared in this episode?

DM me on Instagram to let me know, Mama BARE.

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Episode 30 transcript

You’re here for Episode 30, that’s right 30, of Motherhood Unmasked and i just want to take a moment and thank YOU for being here—whether it’s your first time listening or your 30th. Every episode is about helping you find confidence on your mom journey without comparison or compromise because I’m your corner woman. So let’s get into today’s topic shall we?

Hey there Mama Bare, Vanessa here with more compassion, candor and clarity for you, the mom who wants to move from overwhelm to owning motherhood.
I’m so glad you’re here and if you’re new—WELCOME.
You’re catching me in an awkward spot right now.
Nothing weird, just in the middle of reviewing my results on a parenting assessment recommended to me by a colleague, friend and fan of the podcast.
And I figured it’d be fun to use my quiz results as a jumping off point for a discussion on these traits as tools to add to your motherhood toolbox.
If you haven’t checked out the last couple episodes you should, because we covered 3 of the parenting traits in episode 29 and before I knew anything about these quote unquote 7 traits of effective parenting, I tackled the trait intentionality in episode 28—because that’s my jam.
Ok so today we’re wrapping up with the what I’ll call my struggle traits.
And Speaking of intentionality, these are the traits I lean into more because they don’t come naturally to me.
Before I do that let me give my disclaimer. I have not read the book the 7 traits of effective parenting assessment is based on.
So, this is not a review of the book published by Focus on the Family, just my take on how we can make use of these traits as moms.
GRATITUDE is up first. And Gratitude is difficult when you’re a recovering perfectionist like me because I’m quick to notice what’s not right or where there’s need for improvement before acknowledging much less celebrating the wins.
And a steady diet of that will crush anyone’s spirit.
So, it’s really amazing this wasn’t my lowest score because my negative Nadine ways—my apologies if your name is Nadine—but my negative bent is by nature and nurture.
I’m melancholy by temperament and the daughter of West Indian immigrants whose dad thought a 92 on a test was okay but would ask why it wasn’t higher.
And when you add that in with rejection issues you can see why gratitude isn’t my default.
And I knew when I became a mom I didn’t want to burden my kids with the unattainable goal of perfectionism and as a Christian—there’s just no place for it since no one’s perfect but Jesus.
So, I’ve learned over the years to celebrate progress over perfect but I won’t lie to you I HAVE been in the middle fussing at one of my kids before I remember to be grateful for how far they’ve come.
And that’s where my weakest and the final traits we’ll cover come in—the wonder twins called grace and forgiveness and adaptability.
The struggle with gratitude has everything to do with the ability to forgive people’s humanity and give them kindness they don’t deserve when they throw a wrench in your plans. A wrench forcing you to either adapt or snap.
And the one needing grace and forgiveness first is YOU.
Motherhood doesn’t come with a manual.
And on top of on the job learning, you don’t even know what issues you still deal with from childhood until YOUR child wakes them up in you.
And then it’s a race to adapt and deal with your stuff so you don’t screw them up too.
But your child doesn’t know that. They don’t know to stop triggering you guilt and shame and it’s not they’re responsibility.
And if you don’t recognize what’s going on you’ll snap at the very ones you don’t want to hurt.
And I know. I’ve given my fair share of apologies.
But that’s where forgiveness comes in because you WILL make mistakes on the journey.
And if you’re kind to yourself when you do, it’s so much easier to cut your child slack when he makes his mistakes AND appreciate that though he may not be where you hoped he’d be, you’re grateful for how far he’s come.
And when you forgive yourself you stop beating yourself up and give yourself permission to learn skills that help you adapt when life happens.

This week’s home work is taking your turn on the 7 Effective Traits of Parenting quiz.
Just to recap all of the traits it’s intentionality, love, respect, boundaries, gratitude, grace and forgiveness and adaptability.
I think between the traits quiz and the info you gathered from the love languages quiz linked in last episodes show notes, you’re better equipped to love and care for yourself—and your family.
I’ll leave the link to the traits assessment in the show notes for this episode at vinelifefaith.com slash episode 30.
It’s quick. Took me all of 5 minutes.
May take you a few minutes more but do yourself a favor. Don’t overthink the questions trying to pick the RIGHT answer.
This isn’t about whether or not you’re a good mom. Only a good mom would care to know how you could improve. So just think of it as an opportunity to add tools to your tool belt.
I had fun dropping my mask with you today to wrap up this 2 part series on Moms Helping Moms. A mom just like you shared a recommendation that sparked an episodes for you. And that’s what moms do best—sharing info with each other to help us do what we do easier and better.
And if you’re enjoying this podcast, tap the share button right now to send the link to your mom friends because there’s not a mom alive who couldn’t use encouragement and conviction concerning her motherhood journey.
And remember, when it comes to you being the mother of your children—YOU are the woman for the job. Take care.