When Home Isn’t Sweet or Safe
Home sweet home? Not for every mom.
You’ve lived a nightmare the past couple months—but contracting COVID19 was the least of your concerns. You’re struggling to survive a shaky marriage or worse still, the threat of harm in your own home.
Isolated and feeling invisible, you have one question on your mind—and it’s time we talk about it.
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Help for you…
National Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 799-7233
Episode 8 transcript
While some are asking when can I get a haircut and my color retouched? When will someone get a handle on these dry heels of mine? And when will I gather with friends at my favorite restaurant again?
You’re asking an altogether different question. And it’s time we talk about it.
Welcome to Episode 8 of the first Season of Motherhood Unmasked—the pandemic season, in effect—because I’ve geared the episodes around THE issue adding so much complexity to your life and mine these days.
And we’ve talked about making the most of this time we have with our loved ones at home.
In episode 3, we talked about taking the opportunity to deepen your connections with your immediate family.
And in the last episode I asked how you could put a positive spin on the way your household remembers Spring 2020.
But maybe you’re asking the question a neighbor asked me recently—
Are we going to make it?
Now she asked me in the context of 2 moms swapping tales of pandemic life while stuck at home with a house full of privileged kids and husbands encouraging our efforts between zoom calls.
But some of you ask “are we going to make it” living under completely different conditions.
Your marriage is rocky and this time home, together with your spouse, only amplifies the distance between you.
Not only is there more on YOUR plate than ever—mama, you’ve never felt more alone.
And you’re not sure if your marriage will survive COVID19–-adding a whole other level of stress for you and your children.
It’s crazy how tragedy has a way of exposing truth—and forcing you to face it.
You’re facing truths about you and your relationships.
And I don’t know what you’ve uncovered, but while it’s easy to look at the plank in my husband’s eye, I’ve found this season is about looking away from him and looking at me.
(1) What personal issues have I ignored?
(2) Where do I need to grow?
(3) And what part can I play in having a better marriage?
Because you can’t begin to work on your marriage without first working on yourself—and liking who you are, on the way to who you’re becoming.
This is another area where journaling is a big help. I talked about it in episode 4 as a means for processing grief that comes with any change.
In this case, journaling gives you a safe place to process your feelings and develop the confidence and clarity to have difficult conversations with your husband—without all the venom.
But marital tension is an altogether DIFFERENT situation than an abusive home environment and wondering if you and your kids will SURVIVE a stay at home order.
And if that’s your situation, you need to take it VERY seriously.
Because for you, home is neither sweet nor safe. You’re dealing with the invisible threat of a virus outside your door AND the visible one you live with. And while you live with a level of danger most of us don’t, you also posses a quiet strength that’s unrivaled.
You may not FEEL strong because of lies you’ve been conditioned to believe—but don’t underestimate yourself.
You’re a couple months into a situation of extreme anxiety and isolation—yet you’re STILL here, STILL protecting your children.
And though there are no easy answers to your situation, I STRONGLY encourage you to seek help, in the safest way possible, as soon as possible.
I realize you’re concerned about coronavirus and the possibility of jumping out of the frying pan into the fire.
But a known threat outranks a potential one—any day.
You can prepare a survival strategy with the help of an advocate at the National Domestic Violence Hotline and create a plan specific to your needs WHILE taking current health precautions into account.
If you’re afraid for you and your child’s safety, CALL the hotline at 800-799-7233.
In this time of intense isolation, you likely feel more invisible than ever, but you’re not. There’s one who sees you.
God sees your pain, your fear, and your uncertainty. No virus or violator can hide you from Him. And He wants to help you in this time of trouble.
I’d like to pray for you.
Father, in Jesus’ name, I lift up this precious mama to you. As important as she is as a mother, You love her as a daughter, and You want her and her children to thrive. So Father, I ask You to show her her value to You. Give her peace that’s beyond what makes sense, and may that peace impact everyone around her. And Father give her wisdom for her situation and the courage to do as You lead. In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.
In spite of what you’re going through I hope you feel more seen, known, and loved than before you listened to this episode.
If you felt peace while I prayed but don’t have a relationship with the God I prayed to, you can change that TODAY. And I’d love to lead you in a prayer to start your own relationship with Jesus. You can find the prayer at vinelifefaith.com/newlife.
But for right now, know God heard my prayer for you.
And I believe He’ll give you strength and strategy for your next moves.
You’ve been through so much and you may FEEL helpless but stronger than you give yourself credit for—so remember, when it comes to being the mother of your children, YOU are the woman for the job. Take care.